Fending off negativity

[Hanu]

I think this is the right section for this, but if not please excuse me.

I am fairly new to yoga in so far as the holistic side of things. I have been doing the asanas for a while, but I have only just started to realise that yoga is a way of life.

It's really helped me improve my temper, my outlook, everything. I was fairly positive before, but nowadays my temper isn't as quick and I seem to have more patience without really thinking about it.

One thing that does stress me out very much is other people's negativity, though - especially when it's something I can't get away from. For example, work colleagues, friends who get agitated when they drive etc. I find that it makes me more stressed and affects my whole mood for quite some time. At the moment I am just very withdrawn in those people's company because I find it very draining to be around them, and I am very sure I don't want to be sucked into that negative world again.

Perhaps this sounds a bit dramatic, but I spend ten hours a day at work and it's a very negative atmosphere. Does anyone have any suggestions on how you can let this negativity just bounce off you - or even better - how you can turn it into a positive?

Thank you,

Hanu

[byrd62au]

Practice love and compassion for them. Forgive them and try to see it as ignorance and not evil. Try meeting negative remarks with positive remarks that show compassion for whatever or whoever is being treated with scorn.
Mostly remember you can't change anyone else but you can change how you react to them. Meet negativity with love and your resentment will melt away.

[InnerAthlete]

Several points here Hanu.

The first is that as the snake slithers forward in her/his life she/he often leaves behind an old skin. There are times we are growing while others around us are not and we simply have outlived that relationship just as the snake no longer needs her/his shell. So you can, in some cases, pick other friends.

I would then direct my attention to sutra 1:33 in The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. This sutra provides some guidance on how to deal with the four different sorts of conditions in people that one encounters. Then, of course, there is the work you'll have to do to discern those conditions AND mentor your response to them.

Finally, on the path of yoga we are constantly being distracted or drawn into the dynamics of the outer world. And, of course we must live in that world to one degree or another - work, travel, eating, family, etcetera. Therefore it is important to clean your aura frequently during the day and that would be something your teacher would share with you for use in your meditation. Creating this bubble of light or cocoon can prevent cording from things outside yourself and perhaps outside of your svadharma (personal life's mission).

gordon

[Joanna63]

Hanu, with the great advice given so far, I would also like to interject that perhaps this is a push for you to re-evaluate your working situation. Perhaps you might start sending out energies to attract yourself to a better working environment. Sometimes this can be just a move to a different company, or a complete change to a different line of work.
Along with the sending out of energies (which includes physically looking for job opportunities and keeping your mind and eyes open and receptive) to attract a more positive working atmosphere, accompany your search with affirmations, such as "divine light lights my way, and I am perfectly guided," or "Divine love creates a positive atmosphere around me no matter where I am or what I do."
Create your positive space, and learn to detach and separate yourself from those negative energies around you.
There is a reason you are in this situation, whether it is to help you learn to be and feel positive though negativity surrounds you, or whether it is to teach you to retreat when it is time to retreat for your own mental and spiritual health.

[FlexPenguin]

Joanna63, I like your post. The negativity of the coworkers is a result of a poor corporate culture. I am a business owner myself and my employees are encouraged to work as a team. They do not need me in order to do that. If a coworker is negative and disruptive that person is confronted. Those who cannot be accountable for their behaviour usually leave on their own accord. And we attract people like us. Afterall, we all spend 8-10 hours a day together. It is so much more fun when we are positive.

Of course, no one can be positive all the time and we recognize that. But generally we all work together to maintain our shared standards.

Hanu, work to change your environment as well as your spirit. I hope you are in a position to do this.

[Seeker33]

Originally Posted by Hanu

One thing that does stress me out very much is other people's negativity, though - especially when it's something I can't get away from. For example, work colleagues, friends who get agitated when they drive etc. I find that it makes me more stressed and affects my whole mood for quite some time.

Enjoy your life. You can change yourself but not the others. Just accept them.
Enjoy...

[InnerAthlete]

To the valid things that have already been shared I'd like to add the following:

On the path of Yoga, one's outward attitude must be a radiation from a sincere inner intention. Otherwise the expression is just another veneer, albeit a seemingly more pleasant and palatable one. If it must be labeled, it can be called the "white shadow" as it has a whitewash of spirituality but is still another layer of shadow.

Ergo being positive is absolutely wonderful. Being in a home, work, or leisure environment that is "positive" is lovely. However when that is not authentic (meaning when one only acts positive as a result of instruction, training, or requirement) it is just another encumbrance on the road of mindful evolution.

[Hanu]

Thank you for your replies, I have printed them out to look at. I think I really do need to move to another job - in fact, I was looking for another one anyway. Perhaps it's bacause my feelings for the job have turned sour that I am only picking up on the negativity? Perhaps the job negativity my colleagues and I all feel is feeding off one another's.

I really do have a sincere intention to change my reactions to people but I'm finding that it's not coming very easily. I don't think they would notice that it affects me, but I find I just feel stressed, tetchy and sometimes just exhausted and teary at the end of the day. I know it is my reactions that are the problem, though.

Thanks for the lovely advice.

[chakra]

yeah....we have faced these situations before Hanu,, dont let these 'negative' people let you down! move on.....you deserve the best,and i am sure you will get a better job. Start meditation as soon as you are back from work...make a meditation corner and light up some incense,candle ....just forget them...i am sure you will love each moment and will wait for the next meditation session....very soon this will become second nature to you!
There are some people who just love to irritate us(i have a few) best to avoid them and give a gentle smile at them(will make them pi**....try it) or better still why not talk over it! For all you know they might not know they are hurting you!
good news......i am joining exhaledubai next saturday ...wish me luck(i took ur advice)
am gonna take ashtanga yoga with Lisa...i dont know if i am fit enough to take the first class but have no choice as hubby will take care of the kids on saturday!

finally remember that each one of us is different ... learn to accept it!

[Hanu]

Hey Chakra - thanks for that! I made a little meditation area a few weeks ago, but I haven't used it yet... I will start tomorrow. And.... I will see you in Ashtanga! I will be the girl with the black glasses on. See you then!

[chakra]

There you go...start it girl! will definitely be happy to meet you...see you

[Joanna63]

Hanu,
Another thing that you can do that works well is to begin to bless your work area and the people you work with, especially those that most upset you or aggravate you. Remember, we are ALL children of the divine, and many are completely unaware of it within themselves. But you are aware, and therefore, you can recognize that it is in them, and bless them that goodness comes to them and brightens their life. This alone will change your feelings to toward them, as well as bringing positive energy into the lives of the people around you.

A good practice is when you begin to feel the negative energies from someone, immediately say silently within: "I bless you and bless you for the goodness of (God, the Divine, etc) that is in you, and you are immensely blessed."
This also brings these positive energies to you as a by-product.

You can also make some good affirmations of your own that suit you. Always affirm that all is for the highest good.
Something to think about.

[Pawel]

Two things came to my mind when I was reading Hanu post and following discussion:

1. Things that annoy us in others are our repressed aspects,
2. What you resists persists.

Maybe this negativity depressing us in others is our negativity which we would like to remove from our life? (especially since we aim to be holy yogis ) Maybe this energy drain is caused by our struggle to not allow this negativity came back from our basement? (struggle, because part of us agrees and feels the same way like those "negative" people). I started to think along this lines, especially since in whole discussion the general picture is that we are beings of light and source of our problems lies in others.

If that's the case, the solution would be to bring back our negativity into life and awareness. Let it speak, express itself. Discharge. Be gentle to it. And then patiently show/discuss that there is no need to be so sad and depressing. Go through all things that are good in life and worthy of effort. And through this, change perception of this "negative" part of ourselves. Then I believe we could be less dependent on "negativity" of others.

[Joanna63]

Pawel, you make a very good point. Something we dislike in others is often a mirror of something within ourselves that we find undesirable, and that needs to be acknowledged and dealt with in order that we may free ourselves of it.
You put it very well.

[polydactyly]

I know it's a pretty basic tip, but I find when my co-workers are being particularly toxic, I always look on the bright side of the situation. No matter how small, there's always a lesson and a silver lining. If you see teach people to grow from negative situations, then they will start to see things in a new light.

[starlight]

Originally Posted by byrd62au

Practice love and compassion for them. Forgive them and try to see it as ignorance and not evil. Try meeting negative remarks with positive remarks that show compassion for whatever or whoever is being treated with scorn.
Mostly remember you can't change anyone else but you can change how you react to them. Meet negativity with love and your resentment will melt away.

I love your advice. I'm currently going through an almost same situation and this I think is so straightforward and practical. Thank you, by the way. Reading this just gives me optimism.

[starlight]

Originally Posted by Joanna63

Create your positive space, and learn to detach and separate yourself from those negative energies around you.
There is a reason you are in this situation, whether it is to help you learn to be and feel positive though negativity surrounds you, or whether it is to teach you to retreat when it is time to retreat for your own mental and spiritual health.

very nice...

[Pear Martini]

Originally Posted by Pawel

Two things came to my mind when I was reading Hanu post and following discussion:

1. Things that annoy us in others are our repressed aspects,
2. What you resists persists.

Maybe this negativity depressing us in others is our negativity which we would like to remove from our life? (especially since we aim to be holy yogis ) Maybe this energy drain is caused by our struggle to not allow this negativity came back from our basement? (struggle, because part of us agrees and feels the same way like those "negative" people). I started to think along this lines, especially since in whole discussion the general picture is that we are beings of light and source of our problems lies in others.

If that's the case, the solution would be to bring back our negativity into life and awareness. Let it speak, express itself. Discharge. Be gentle to it. And then patiently show/discuss that there is no need to be so sad and depressing. Go through all things that are good in life and worthy of effort. And through this, change perception of this "negative" part of ourselves. Then I believe we could be less dependent on "negativity" of others.

This post is really helpful. I can relate to Hanu because I just started a new job and always get taken aback when this one guy who works there-Dave- is around.

I met him the day of my interview and we got along and were talking and he must have gotten very comfortable with me because he started saying multiple racist things about the Latino population here in South Florida. He did not know that I am hispanic, perhaps because I don't look like the steriotypical Latino person.

When I told him he was talking to a "Latina" he didn't believe me. I was utterly disgusted by how some people can just hate an entire group of people because of ethnic background.

Now, whenever I see him at work, I notice he always has something negative to say. He is either complaining or just in an obviously bad mood. I just feel a huge negative vibe coming from him, that I rarely feel from anyone at all.

I wish I could just ignore all of it, but last time I saw him, I had to get away because it is too unpleasant to work around him now. I am new at my company and am afraid that if I report him and start "drama", I will get fired. I love my new job and do not want to get fired.

[lashannasmall]

I highly recommend reading A New Earth or The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Both of these books are great for learning how to deal with negativity.