The Edge

[Chandra]

Sit with it - this feeling gnawing.
Don't try -
to make it go away,
to understand it,
to transform it,
to make it more acceptable
to deny it's presence
to get beyond it.
Let it be.

How can I look at it and sit with it
if I don't have -
a name for it
a reason for it
a way to make it more comfortable
a plan for how to deal with it?

I have been doing yoga a long time.
I am more peaceful, more stable,
more content, than I was before.
But still there is something there -
an ache, a yearning, a hole,
a wound, a pain, a need.

Did I expect to be washed clean and empty?
Did I expect to disappear,
no longer experiencing waves of emotion?

Am I disappointed -
with my self,
my feelings,
my goals,
my family,
my experiences?

What is it that I want?
Where is that thing to fill the gap?
Where does peace and love and joy live?
In this world of suffering,
can I expect to live there too?
In this world of need,
where do my needs fit?
Are my needs important?
Are they needs?
What are my needs?

Looking for a name
Looking for a cure
Looking for a lasting transformation..

Ecstatic bliss, surrender,
radiating vibrant peace and love...

Contentment
Tension
Letting go...

In asana,
a relaxation of effort -
letting go of goal and form,
melting into energy moving
in the stillness
of watching at the edge.

The edge of the unknown
the edge of the possible
the edge of what is
but has not yet been seen.

It takes some desiring, some needing,
to come to the edge.
It takes some letting go
to see what is there.


Copyright 2002 Chandra