In my practice of Yoga, I never thought I could fall so deeply in love with a yoga instructor. Although this is a man who does not return me with the same feelings I had , but it has made me very imbalance in my practice of Yoga somehow.I can’t stop thinking of him when I do yoga. I cannot forgive how he hurt me unconsciously.How do I move on from here? Even listening to the same music he used to play in class makes me think about him ,but in a negative way. He may be a yoga instructor,but unfortunately he is also quite a playboy.I had developed feelings of jealousy and animosity towards him after knowing about his ‘relationships’ with other members in the yoga center. I am learning to let go,but its pretty hard. I dont even dare to step back into the same yoga center now for fear of developing those jealousy feelings again when I see those members.I don’t want my yoga path to become like this. Help.
You seem to be making wise choices in this regard, and I support you in seeking out a safe place to study, with a teacher who can maintain proper boundaries with you and his or her other students. My teachers in yoga teacher training have always spoken of the great honor and responsibility in taking the “seat of the teacher.” We are cautioned to act with integrity in this respect. I am sorry that your experience has caused you so much anguish.
Don’t get caught up in just one guy.
If you are looking, then go & meet five other decent guys and then see how you feel about this one guy.
What you are writing about is not love; It’s a school-girl crush. It does show your capacity and desire to find true love though, and that’s a good start. Be careful who you direct passions for, you dodged a bullet this time. Good luck!
Thank you. You all speak of such wisdom and it has given me lots of encouragement.
I understand the difficulty here.
Let’s outline three things.
First there is no room for Yoga and “playboy” to coexist on the same path. Granted the person in question may be growing along the path to a place where they resolve the spraying of their sexuality. However such a person really should not be in the role of yoga teacher until that is exorcised. It not only models poorly for students but also sets a foundation for added obstacles on the path of both teacher and student.
Second, as teachers we energetically allow opportunity (or disallow) for students to feel the energy you are feeling from this teacher. When students feel that they can approach the teacher romantically is it due to an internal receptivity on the part of the teacher to that very energy. This is why is it critical for teachers to come into the classroom as clean as possible. While mistakes and misperceptions can occur and we are all growing, the responsibility of a teacher, especially a teacher of yoga mandates this cleanliness.
Finally there is the matter of the student’s attachment or raga. As we work along a path of yoga patanjali illustrates that attachment is one of five Kleshas or obstacles which cause humans pain and suffering (unless they are dealt with). This is exactly the purpose of yoga - a reduction in suffering, living a life without regret. So we must watch our attachment (as we must watch our aversion) carefully.
I would not be comfortable learning Yoga from a teacher unable to live it.
indeed there’s a lot of anguish inside of me. i had visited other forums that talked about this master and some people rumoured abt his relationship with other members. i tend to dismiss it but can’t help having that sinking feelings. i wish i can stay away from all these gossips…its terrible, and yet i seem to be addicted in reading those comments in forums. oh god help!
Does anyone practising yoga believe in karma? Yoga is about personal growth not appearing a certain way. If you are drinking and taking drugs then what you feel is bad for you. But yoga deals with your karma and that is what you are feeling. You may imagine that you want to feel all holy and say “peace brother” but these are just concepts and imagination.
So what you are feeling is pefect for your growth, but not for anyone else’s growth. The saying in transpersonal psychology is whatever turns it on will turn it off. They way out is the way through. Don’t resist these feelings. Feel them but do not do any bad actions. If you can handle it keep going there and feeling this until you burn off that karma and the same situation will feel wonderful. Actually it is a perfect situation but you are not perfect.
It is like this. Two people are out on a date, so they want to look good. One is healthy and the other is unhealthy. They both eat bad food and get food poisoning. The unhealthy person does not feel too bad and does not vomit. The healthy person vomits all the bad food out. So you are throwing off these bad emotions that are inside of you.
If you see a black person and you feel hate then the black guy is not causing it. Something in you is causing it so you could deal with it or just always avoid being around black people. Now people think that something is wrong with Rihanna. But no one can ever hit her unless she hit someone else first (karma).
You can feel trust and faith in you and what you are feeling. You can live on an island alone and not feel this stuff and not evolve. I say go there and indulge in these feelings, just do not act on them. Here is what I prescribe for you. Ask this yoga instructor if you can hug him and if he says “no” then he will have to live with it. If he says “yes” then hug him and it will accelerate the process you are growing through.
Please note that this is not about him at all. What you feel is all about you. Some guy may go there and not feel anything from him. If he teaches you yoga that injures you, then you can sue him. Jesus says “You look for slivers in other’s eyes when you have logs in your own eyes.” As far as Rihanna and you, have you heard of the bestseller, [I]The Road Less Travelled,[/I] by a psychologist. It says that people are attracted to people that will them evolve. This is how life works. So you love him since he his helping you to vomit out all this nasty stuff inside of you. Yes, vomit is ugly and smells bad, but it is good for you.
If you believe in God then God put this guy there not because God hates you and wants to ruin your life and make you misreable. God put this guy there because God adores you and is crazy about you and wants you to learn this. This is the truth, but it does not help you feel better. To feel better you need to feel this. Jesus says “love your neighbor except if he is a playboy yoga teacher.” Just kidding! This guy does not love you, but God loves you. The bible says “If He is for you, who can be against you.”
. Be strong, let go, move on or suffer the rest of your life. As hard as that sounds it is the closest thing I know to the truth to tell you.
With all due respect,
Yoga teachers ain’t holy people! They have power over no one!
All of us however, will on occasion seek to give another power over ourselves, for whatever reason. Sometimes it’s for love, sometimes for lust, or perhaps for opportunity or attention. Sometimes it’s a playboy, a classmate, a friend, the neighbor’s wife, and occasionally the teacher, in this case a yoga teacher, [B]who is no different from anyone else[/B]. Someone might even give you that power too, which you may choose to exercise or not. It’s all the same. Broken hearts aside, to do so and cry victim here is playing your own mind game. Yoga teachers are just working people, unless you choose to make them otherwise, and then it’s [B]your doing[/B]. You did it! You knew! Best way to get over such an episode is to take responsibility for it.
Happy Spring,
Peace,
siva
I think it’s extremely important for yoga instructors to have some type of boundary. If this guy is openly dating multiple students and blabbing about it, he shouldn’t be a teacher…or he should go teach in a gym somewhere.
I feel such teachers are GREAT! Of course, I think that poor asana teachers are great as well.
With that said, they aren’t teaching what most of us are expecting or wanting to learn. But boy howdy do they have great lessons for us to learn and I love them for it 
I completely get what you are saying David. It is just sad that some of us are able to learn those lessons through others experiencing them. Especially when the heart and lust gets involved. But I guess this too is all a part of the lesson that is to be learned.
Yes, move on. Don’t waste your energy on negative feelings. If he is a “playboy” as you stated, you are better off not getting involved.
Yeah! Watch out for those playboys! They might be way too much fun.
siva
The problem here is twofold. One, the theoretical issue of a teacher-student erotic relationship. This can be analyzed but it wont help the original poster.
Second: how can we free ourselves form the slavery wherein romantic love puts us ?
Yes, it is totally unfree state, being driven by such a powerful attachment. Because it is an attachment, it can be even called obsession. Everyone knows this, juts think of the TV commercials.
While erotic love with chances to be fulfilled, pursued can be seen as nature’s trick to make us love a stranger, when it’s fulfillment is hindered, is nothing but pain, suffering, of the greates kind. Because the soul, in its purity, really loves the other man, whom it began to worship, towards whom the utmost love a person is capable of channels itself.
Oscar Wilde said: there are two kind of tragedies in life: if a man gets what he desires, and if he does not get it. I think in this case, not getting it is just as good as getting it. Think of fulfilled romantic loves: they soon settle in a more or less harmonious relationship, the souls are happy to be togheter, and everything is fine (at least for two or three years). This is normal human life. But unfulfilled romantic love will burnwith the same strenght only in the soul of that person who is longing. And this can be seen as a purification process. Yes … the soul goes through a similar state after passing the gate of death. It goes through kamaloka, where it lacks the means (a physical body) to fulfill the joys of phyiscal existence, and thus, it suffers. It suffers until the soul has enough of it, and finds in itself the power and desire to reach for the lower devachan, the world of spiritual joys.
When suh a crysis, purification happnens in earthly life, it’s reason is the same. To overcome a weakness of the soul, to make possible the desire for spirituality. So, even from a worldy point of view, such a person is pitiable, and we feel sorry for him/her, and often do not understand how can he be so miserable because of another person, he/seh goes through a very important karmic process.
It is important in this case for the soul to aquire a mental comprehension of what happens, because than it can consciously pursue the spiritual goals. This is the meaning of mourning, that we turn our attention from the passing material world, towards the eternal world of the spirit. One must think of this as the gift of one’s karma, guardian angel. It is a gift, because by it we receive something we lack. It is important not to quench this thirst for the spirit, what is the essence of romantic love, too, just clothed in the passions of earthly nature. Indeed, blessed is that person who manages to purify his/her heart and not lose the longing for the ideal. In romantic love, we always long for the eternal feminine, or masculine, and the is of spiritual origin. The subject of our affection, the very person is never the person we love … it is the icon what awakes us this longing, the canvas on which we project this eternal image.
So, never cease to love as strong as you are able … than you will realize that many of the subjects of your desire does not worth that magnitude of love, and you will find newer and newer subjects you can respect, cherish, and worship, and this is the process what takes on to realize that there is but one posible aim for such love.
Sorry for the typos, and grammar, I had to hurry.
I have been driving myself almost mad. I miss him actually. I havn’t seen him for two months already - the longest “abstinence” i ever had.
I attended someone’s else yoga today and he played the CD which was exactly what he used to play in his hot yoga. Throughout the yoga, I couldn’t help but reflect on my past yoga sessions with him - every sequence, every flow, ever asana seems to flow back into my mind. I see him in that visualization.
It’s driving me crazy that I havn’t heard from him at all. He probably thinks I’m done with him ,but truth is I’m still feeling hurt and misery here.
With all due respect, I like him as an instructor for he gave me confidence in what I do. But when I think of how he’s still going out with other girls, had sex with members before, and is going to get an arranged marriage eventually, my heart breaks into a billion pieces…
[QUOTE=yogini_spirit;19196]It’s driving me crazy that I havn’t heard from him at all. He probably thinks I’m done with him ,but truth is I’m still feeling hurt and misery here.[/QUOTE]
Only time will allow these feelings to pass. Someone once told me that the earth must circle the sun at least once before feelings as you describe subside.
It’s good that you are continuing your practice. Step it up a notch (to help with the stress) and maybe choose a female instructor.
I suggest you spend some time in meditation forgiving him and hoping that he will learn what he needs to – and giving him back to the rest of the world. Watch the energy you release when you can forgive him do the work of teaching him that it can’t do while you grasp your memories of him.
Your feelings of hurt and misery will cease, but will also continue for a little while after you are done learning from them. Please do not allow the presence of those feelings convince you that you should maintain them, hold them, and nourish them.