I can share my own experience. I was in a very similar place as you just 3 years ago. The person who has written this post is somewhat right actually. There is no way to replace a true master who is well acquainted and accomplished.
I will give you my own example as it happened. it all started in around 2007 reading the yogananda book. Sure all fancy apart, and his organization etc ... I started seeking for teachers. Even went to a few, mostly mental... explaining pranayams as oxygen intake and what not. Always there was a splinter in my heart saying its not this.
This is when i started reading profusely. For the first time came across the term tantra. Then another 4 months passed in just getting to the true forms and books on tantra, and getting past the mockery of sex based crap that we the 'west' ( unfortunately ) have done with sacred tantras. nothing wrong with sex , but my god - good luck getting past all the rubble. anyways i had to get here, because from a very valid source ( a friend practicing tantra learnt from Tibet - Kalachakra who is now 75 years old on hearing what i am trying to do with kriya , ayp forums , yogananda group etc etc said it sounds awfully similar to tantra initial practices, of pranayam and others, but very diluted and mocked up or something, but sure he could recognize its roots. )
Then finally a point came when i 'dared' to practice on my own. Have done few mistakes i should say. one of the biggest mistakes was to think it was 'just' breath control. the other was pulling tongue and doing 'kriya' like talabya. Luckily i did not do the tongue cutting part feeling somehow it was not right ... again that intuition in the heart said, don't do it.
my moods went off, tempers changes, libido spiked... long story short all balance was broken. then stopped all practice, and it took over a year to even feel normal.
Lastly there was no escape without a guru, so started looking for some 'real' humble teachers, who could prove it to me... ended up in India - First in Calcutta and then in varnasi ... but even there, no luck no dice... what a fate... At last in varnasi when i finally gave up my western conditioning, ( i would not even eat fruits from street, or shake hands without wiping with clean wipes - western conditioning, alwasy worried about bacteria blablabla) .. anyways, that particular Thursday was deeply emotional ...
thought to myself, what's all this madness.... I try, if i die i die, if not i will succeed... how much of a chicken can i be... nothing is waste... glad i tried and came to india... it was a horrible trip, and will go back empty handed .... so what.. i tried... no regrets ... i was not going to fall for fake masters.. i wanted proof.... i did not feel i was doing anything wrong in being demanding...
So giving up everything, already thinking it as failure, i just had a return flight prebooked on coming saturday... from delhi.. ( those who have visited delhi know its a torture to even have to pass by that hell)
I tried, somehow that was deeply satisfying ... and i told i will continue trying... and also strange suddenly i was so emotional, i was not worried about bacteria and infections... finally stoped by a streetside tea shop in varnasi ( the chaiwalas who give sweet milky Indian chai tea in mud cups that you can drink and throw away - )
did not care if it gave me fever or whatever.... just like some local workers in there, i stood and just made a hand symbol '1' . he understood and made me a chai, paid him money. For the first time i saw it was not that unsafe .. he would pour crazy boiling water on all earthen cups that we would drink with and then throw/break it away never to use again ...
was laughing at myself for being so weary all the time... afterall so many people survive just fine ...
and then sat near a tree nearby - where a sewer passed .. for some reason the sewer smell did not bother, was breathing air and sipping chai... which was strangely tasty by the way... told myself... feels everything is fine .... wierd ... whatever happened to my worries...
for some reason I wanted to turn the cup .... inspite of some tea left in it ... strange .. the urge was so strong ... I turned dropping some tea ... strange as if something is guiding me ... saw a number printed ( wont say which - i feel personal )
strange what's with a mere number ... but the special feeling, the same heart/intuition that always stopped me from being wrong ... and my phone caught signal and vibrated with many messages waiting - coming through at once.... I usually ignore the phone ... but took it out and saw the first message - flight delayed by hours exactly matching that number ... strange - surely should be coincidence...
again cutting short many finer details, finally i am in airport and have to run to the loo ... which is ghastly by the way ... however managed but hand luggage would not fit inside ... so crammed it in with a paper tower under to keep it as clean as possible inside the cloakroom.
this is a bit embarrassing, but as i was on the closet ... and almost done with my business... the person in the next closet by my side dropped and spilled all his bag i think. just sound ... was laughing to myself - thinking poor guy. his phone and wallet and some cards rolled to mine...
as embarassing as it was i took all of them and put my hand from top for him to take it, he did and said thanks
and i finished my job and took my bag and started walking to security checks... as i started rolling my bag saw a card was stuck to my bag at the bottom, thought it belonged to him, but he was no where in sight, also it was only a piece of card similar to a greeting card but blue ... but strange same intuitive feelings came again and i wanted to flip it ... it had "go home, I will find you " ..I was sure its some note not meant for me.. and finally got back home, took some time to settle down and get back to work and everything.... my colleagues asked me how was trip, what i did etc .. i just made up some story , said was great etc and thats that
So finally what else could i do... Just started doing some safe breathing and living normally.. however the calmness that came never left me since then... life was easier ... i did not take mind very seriously ... also the intuition was now stronger and i used to know what's right more clearly ... as if someone is working on me... guiding me unconsciously or something...
and it was a fateful day in 2012 July - hot summer, sweating in central park.... just sat down on a rockery sipping my tea... was remembering my chai in india years ago ... and was a bit tired, but definitely not asleep... and there it happened, day dream / vision whatever you want to call it... a certain person appeared... told me in clear English... you are now ready son... fine me and come to me... strangely I was seeing myself speak to him in the vision... and even ask him how ... he did give me details...
when i woke up i was worried where this will take me or if even any of this were true... a quick google gave me that the road names were real, place was real... other then this i had no time , no name nothing... also my fears of having to fly all the way back to india were gone ... while i cannot say many personal details, it was just canada...
easy flight will do... the very next weekend i was off to the place as advised... i still cannot believe how easy this was.... address, flight, everything... landing at a home in a quite suburb looking perfectly modern and clean...
some nervousness started... as mind kicked in... i was thinking i am a fool.. what will happen if i go there and ppl see me like a fool... what worse i will just fly back... big deal...
finally when i tapped that door, the door opened and a young looking boy greeted me ...
that day the boy cooked for me... showed my room... and had the same chai waiting on the table..... i trying to be american tried hard to hold my tears and behave normal... making fake laughs.. but tears took their way - rolled over and over ... and on his door was the same number as behind the tea cup...
radiant in splendour .... later realized he was 35+ years old then ... not that it matters... he told me to prepare for next morning - a full moon day - early morning 4.30 AM of canadian time .... and i was initiated...
initiated properly, by one who without doubt was master .. his hands and presence electric... quite and deep... I was given pranayams first... during initiation i was made to face him and sit ... i could not cross my legs into lotus... so he just said to cross my leg... normally
The pranayam was shown to me, by him breathing my breaths ... 12 in number, and i mean as i said. he breath me. He made me breath without my effort. and other techniques were given ... practice was explained.... i was electrified... Also i was told its my good deeds that saved me from slitting my tongue.. and one should never do it unless the tongue tip calls for union
he was so placid, and so knowing. told me, the tongue will feel exactly same way about the cavity above like now it feels when it sees an auspicious pussy of a womb that's good for your child...
and when the attraction builds up, naturally tongue will be excited and then the exercises will yield and tongue will elongate... lastly he told he will show me various creative forces in my third eye by his practice and power, so that i know what i am aiming for.
by his grace, in my third eye, i saw the nada and bindhu ... i saw the light of brahma, the light of sustainance and destruction - all three... realised my breath was paused...
he said it was paused by his effort... and one day i should achieve this by myself... lastly also gave some inputs...
I knew i was done , i wont be trying to share my emotions... but since then
life is happening ... I have a teacher ... last year i finally had kechari... now i only sense sour sap... in due time as mind cleanses and seed does not fall into the fire below, i shoudl taste elixir ...
I now go on trace for many mins... secrets this is what i do in tea time, and breaks in office ... i have two lives.. one of a secret yogi the other mundane coverup...
so whats my point of all this. Be authentic, be genuine, and follow your heart. guru will find you.
