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| Yesterday, 12:03 PM | #31 |
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catvaarimshát
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 42
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hi all,
another update here: I stopped with the "awareness watching awareness" because I realized something: even that is not a good place to start, because it's too easy to get caught up in your own thoughts. I learned that there's a good reason the buddhists have you start with just focusing on your breath. I think that guy came up with this idea many years after he had started, and he probably forgot that beginners tend to have this problem, because he had got past it himself. At any rate, I'm going to semi-admit something, without going into too many specifics because skepticism is rather natural: my teacher won't let me do anything but his meditation anyway, at least right now. What I'm saying is that even though he doesn't talk to me, he is still teaching me by other means, since it seems the link between us is strong enough now that this could happen. I'd rather not to get more specific than that, except to say I expect I could stop it all if I really wanted to, if I wrote to him and said really stop it and let me go, but that isn't what I really want either. So anyway, he's not letting me have any buddhism right now, but at least he is really helping me with getting over holding grudges. It isn't always very much fun, but it makes me aware of when I do it. it still keeps coming back to me, what that guy said about "the real addiction being the way I condition my mind by my reaction to what my teacher says." It is still true, and still very hard for me to get past. I guess I have to just keep coming back to contemplate it from time to time. But it seems I'm getting help with it too, ugh. Anyway, this Theravada meditation is interesting, but I can't do it right now. Maybe later. |
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| Yesterday, 12:12 PM | #32 |
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catvaarimshát
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 42
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PS: maybe I would be able to have Buddhism, if I could get over thinking how
much better it is, even though I know it is probably only better on the beginning levels just because the instructions are explained better, and are more complete. I can't do it, so I have to put it down. maybe later. |
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