Coping with other's religion

[zo_manik]

BACKSTORY:
Last night over dinner my husband and I talked about religion with the kids, spurred by a persuasive essay about Christ and salvation which a girl in my step-daughter's class wrote. My step-daughter is hesitant to share her thoughts, but seems to lean more toward some type of disbelief. My step-son mentioned feeling a pull towards Buddhism and said that he knew nothing about it other than it was connected to peace. My husband leans toward Buddhism himself, but more as a philosophy rather than a religion: religion being a word, term, and organization he shirks away from as do I. He grew up in a strict Christian home-parents heavily involved with the Salvation Army and in their retirement still are. I, on the other hand, grew up Catholic though not a strict one, wafted around spiritually seeking any and all things (even Wicca), became a Christian and 9 years later do not believe in too much of anything, just the idea that something exists and it is too fabulous and large to comprehend.

In last night's discussion we talked about the idea of Christians pushing faith upon people (Christians meaning all those generalized under the umbrella of shoving tracts into other's hands and by this term meaning also: Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses) and we also discussed how non-believers can shove their beliefs into others faith by closing their minds to possibilities. This brought up my husband's parents who mail us tracts about God or daily devotions. Is this sharing? Or is this shoving? They know we don't go to church; and after our last visit they know I am not a believer which I openly admitted because I didn't want to carry on a lie (he and I have only been married for a year now).

But Christmas at their house includes family going to church. I went last year, much to my chagrin and hopes to get out of it. This was the worst experience of all: a rock n roll style Mega Church who performed 13 sets in 24 hours of Christmas music and little sermon. I was so pissed I started to tear up--there was a misuse of money and manipulative playing on the emotional spiritual desires of the congregation. Instead of a message on love and faith and community, given the spirit of the season, the pastor testified to Christ's changing powers, or something rudimentary.


THE POINT:
This year, I won't be attending church because Christmas is hosted at our house. But in years to follow, I am afraid I will have to battle this. I don't want to be forced to go anywhere that I don't want to be and church is one of them. I am a pro-choice, pro LGBT (Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender) lifestyles, who loves red wine, smokes a cigar on occassion, thinks pre-marital sex is ok, believes Jesus existed as a man and perhaps maybe as a prophet, and isn't sure about what really exists in terms of (a) god or gods or God or GOD. I am full of theological dispute with the church. But my parent-in-laws are sweet and kind and tender, how does one say no to them? It's once a year, I should just be polite and go, right? On the other hand, I abhor the church on whole, it's divisions, and denominations further splintering instead of trying to join together-so why go?


THE QUESTIONS:

How do I say no to the in-laws? Should I say no?
How do you all cope in situations like this?
And how do I continue to be true to me (which is laden with church cynicism) without influencing my step-kids? I want them to develop their own set of beliefs, but it's hard to not follow in the parent's footsteps.

I want to hear other people's thoughts and their anecdotes relating anything similar.

[Techne]

Zo -- it's your duty as a parent to give your kids everything you have found to be good and true in the world. Have confidence that they, as adults, will develop their own set of beliefs, even if those end up resembling yours. (My dancing buddies' kids are becoming teenagers; they weekly have stories to remind me that no human force is greater than the will of an adolescent.)
If your reason for going to an event is to please your in-laws, please keep that as your context for the event. You are there with them, take your joy from their joy. If you have an overriding context then you should definitely attempt an adult conversation among yourself, your husband, and your in-laws. Having a counter offer of some sort ("I'd rather we spend that hour serving at the soup kitchen") might help. You could even use this year to introduce that counter offer.

Given your description of the event ("Christmas music and little sermon") and your heritage, I'd like to put a question where you can see it -- do you not want to go there because it *is* church, or because it really *isn't* church? (No need to tell me. Just thought it might be useful/provocative for you.)

[Alix]

zo_manik, it can be hard to reconcile all the different elements when families blend.

My take is a little different. I try to see why that particular person is doing what they are doing. For example, with your husband's parents, if they are deeply faithful they are likely worried about their son's immortal soul and are hoping to protect him by sending him material that might influence him and "save" him. Its about love, not intentionally trying to subvert beliefs that already exist. I don't know if that would help you or not, but thats how I try to see things.

At one point in my life I was quite irritated by what I felt was "pushing". I thought it the height of egotism for those believers to tell me what was right and what was wrong. I still believe that there are those who do it because they believe they are right and not because they are being loving. Those folks irritate me. Those who "push" because of love or idealism don't bug me at all.

I think we all come to our faith in time. I also believe we teach more by our manner and the way we live our lives than anything else.

Did you read the Narnia books? In the Last Battle, Aslan (God) tells his believers that those who followed either him or Tash (satan) faithfully were actually HIS followers. Sorry, I'm not being clear but basically, any faith is good faith was the message. As long as you are true in your beliefs that is.

Lovely thread, thanks for starting it.

[Pandara]

Dear zo_manik,

I would like to illustrate a point Alix made about people doing one thing, but actually meaning something different and i am not even sure if this may help you, but here goes.

My dear mother, bless her soul, is one of those who are passionate about her faith and love for Jesus and she would have used every opportunity to make sure I knew it. A few years back my mom got her first mobile. Being in her 60's she soon learned the functions of the phone and about two weeks later I started to get these short messages (sms in SA) at night just before bed about how much Jesus loves me and about how Jesus saves met etc. Initially I thought nothing of it and never replied. But after two months of constant messages it really got to me. I was busy composing a message telling her in a nice way that I don't want to receive her messages that I suddenly realise but isn't my mom actually trying to tell me something about how she feels? I realised then yes, I come from a house where we hardly expressed our feelings of love towards each other and in her golden years my mom is desprately trying to change this. Her messages was her way of telling me she actually loves me very much and the only way she knew how to express it was throught the words of the religion she trust and came to know so well. I changed my reply telling her that I love her very much and that she is always in my heart. You know, the messages stopped after that and now I will receive one every 6 weeks or so and I usually respond by telling her I love her very much as wel just as Jesus loves her.

From a yoga pov, and I know I have been on this in other threads as well, but I feel this is important. Your family is a mirror, they reflect only an aspect of you. The reflection back is something you don't like, ask yourself how can you change it with love, compassion and understanding. Change yourself and your family within and the outer reflection will also change.

[Hubert]

Whenever you try to be true to yourself, you will get into conflicts with others, society, rules, and so on. How to deal with them ? Well, that's a life long process of learning.

It is not different than being a vegan, for example. In my culture, meat is a basic ingredient of food. Explaining it my in-laws, would be hard, because I am not even able to have a meaningful discussion with them. So, in the beginning, I was polite and was eating whatever they put on the table. But I felt ... wrong. They praised how good the food is, while I was having other thoughts. It was ... lying to them, about how I feel.

Eventually, I had the strenght to say, no. After a few occasions, and awkward situations, they accepted that I am some kind of freak who does not eat meat, and now they always have a vegan food, just for me. So, even if we do not understand each other, we can respect each others "foolishness".

Same with religion. I was brought up without one, if a materialist scientific world view is not one of them. I was like many people today, challenging the tenets of christianity. But my place in family often took me into church. And I had to comply. But it felt wrong. Kneeling ? What the hell, I felt such a phony. Until, one day, I did not kneel. I was standing, and the priest, all others have knelt. And surprise ! The cieling did not fall down. Noone said anything. My one man rebellion passed unnoticed. After that, it is not an issue for me to kneel. Those who have the strenght to stand up, will also aquire the wisdom to kneel even if for the sake of other people.

Christianity is not comprehensible for a modern mind. No wonder, as it is about suprasensible things and events. It should not make sense to our short sighted sensorial minds. I am a christian, pretty much so, although I am not churchgoing, or taking the eucharist. Anyway, I have come to an understanding about what and how christianity is. It is just a mental comprehension, yet. Anyway, I must say: it is not at all in conflict either with reason, nor with other religions. Just for the last two thousands of years, it was not fuilly understood. Just like buddhism. The Dalai Lama said that buddhism is a religion of hte future. The same is true for christianity. We just need to see beyond the surface. How it is true ? I can't explain it shortly. Does it mean it is not true ? Only egoistic pride says: if something cannot be explained shortly, and simply, than it is not true. Just think of your very own life. Could you share it simply ? No, you would need telling the whole story. And that is just a human life. What if we had to talk about human race, and the world ? It is reasonable to accpept that the explanation would require quite a story. Those who try to comprehend religions with their mundane minds ... will fail miserably in grasping their essence. The history of religions show how the basic tenets are always explained in the terms of present day culture, but that is ever changing.

Today, a healthy conscience, and a sound mind will have trouble to accept many things what christians say. So don't accept them. This does not mean that they are wrong, perhaps they are just put it in a wrong way. All religions are universal, they are meant to be. The time of external forms of religions have passed. Find what you are able to beleive in, and stand up for it.

I pretty much believe in everything christianity says: The Resurrection, The Kingdom of God, Salvation ... Not blindly. It all makes good sense to me, and it can be even explained reasonably for those who are interested. And because of this, I also know that it is true for every human being on this Earth. Buddhist ? Atheist ? Agnostic ? It does not matter. It is still true, as all these attitudeas and various religions are part of the divine plan. None of them is any better than the other, and they are ALL TRUE. I am not pushing my belief onto others, though, but I also must say what I believe. You can't believe it ? Fine. Would you care to listen to an explanation, but what would require quite a bit of time, and personal effort on your part ? No ? That is also fine. But than we are separated, and cannot understand each other fully. And we should try to achieve that, no matter what. At least, this should be one of our ideals.

PS. I just say: stand up for what you beleive, and if that is being suspicious about things they try to force on you, than shout with all your mouth: No ! Conflict is good. It leads to understanding and solutions.

[Alix]

zo_manik, such loving words from our members. I hope you find something to help you through this. I know it is so hard to deal with folks sometimes. Much love and strength being sent to you zo.

Pandara, good for you to realize what your Mom was really saying to you.

Hubert, way to go! Standing up is hard. I admire that very much.

[zo_manik]

Thank you everyone for responding to this. I have lurked these posts with little time in the last week to respond, let alone even log in. There are some interesting approaches I had not yet considered, such as taking joy in their joy. I am, to some extent, allergic to Christianity. I have greater patience with Catholicism, Judaism and Orthodox, but Christianity, Mormonism and Jehovah Witness members frustrate me. And yes, His parents are concerned with his, my and the kids souls--they send us devotionals in the mail, they pray for us constantly.

I don't know how I will approach this, but I have so much to chew on. I would love to think that I could just say no, but I don't want my not going to influence the kids when what they might need to hear is right there. I do not want to stand in their way. They are 16 and 14, and I was sure to explain to them that I don't want them to make my "excuses" their excuses. My stepdaughter laughingly tripped over the words "theological issues" as i had used that generalization as a blanket of my concerns in regard to the church.

I wish I could hug each and everyone of you. I am sorry for my inconsiderate delay of responding, but I appreciate the sound advice that is on here.

[justwannabe]

Hey Zo,
I can appreciate where you are coming from, I see my past in your words. Now I attend a church, do I belive everything the preacher says? We dance and sing, how I look at it, they are honoring Creation, the Creator. So I go to see the beaty in it and the "ugliness" I leave it alone. If someone wants to force beliefs on me, ok, they can try, and they are dong what they feel is best.

You said
But my parent-in-laws are sweet and kind and tender, how does one say no to them? It's once a year, I should just be polite and go, right? On the other hand, I abhor the church on whole, it's divisions, and denominations further splintering instead of trying to join together-so why go?

That is great that you have sweet, kind, and tender parent in laws. so you abhor church and its divisions, who is dividing, you or the church? You rather the churches join together, if you went would that be joining togethor?
I once read a quote, "take what fallls on your heart and discard the rest"
my best to you Zo
brother Neil

[Xamilo]

Originally Posted by zo_manik

BACKSTORY:

THE QUESTIONS:

How do I say no to the in-laws? Should I say no?
How do you all cope in situations like this?
And how do I continue to be true to me (which is laden with church cynicism) without influencing my step-kids? I want them to develop their own set of beliefs, but it's hard to not follow in the parent's footsteps.

I want to hear other people's thoughts and their anecdotes relating anything similar.

First, let me tell you your kids are going to be brought up perfectly alright. I share your thoughts and philosophical stands.

About your questions:

If you feel weird about it, tell them NO. But I would think there shouldn't be a problem making them happy if that is all it takes. If you have no problem with it, and they are not going to "impose" anything on you, there shouldn't be a problem.

"People take different paths to find happiness and fulfillment. The fact some people don't follow your own path doesn't mean they are lost" Dalai Lama

Sharing time with others in their "ground" shouldn't keep you away from your true self. I'm sure you believe in what you believe because you've experience the truth in it, not because someone else has told you that's what you have to believe in, so being close to "other" believes won't change a thing in you...

Now, regarding the Kids.
Since you had a Christian Education imposed to you when you where young, don't follow the same steps...

Let them find heir own way, even if it contradicts yours, since only they can find heir own way to happiness.

[kareng]

Hello Zo can I offer some possibilities..i am always prepared to be wrong


THE QUESTIONS:

How do I say no to the in-laws? Should I say no?

Well you appear to be a very observant person of what is wrong with belonging to organized religions and do you need to belong falsely or strenuously to one because your surrounded by people who possibly believe in one.

I used to wonder what makes people believe in something so compulsively or maybe violently without a shred of doubt that theirs is the way? And they are prepared to practice an entire lifetime, devoted.

..trouble is that the religious experiences they have encountered belong to lineage, so a person coming from a long line of Catholics might experience Mother Mary, and a Sikh, a Guru wearing a Turban..yes? with exceptions?

So what about the so called non believer ?...everyday of their lives they are practicing a number of valuable-good-fine points, if not more than the believers. But the non believer will be made to go on the guilt trip.

Instead of going to church, prepare something nice for their return. Make their stay outside of the church, pleasant, congenial and generous. Say to them that you wont be going to church because you are preparing something nice, do this with a continued smile. This will help them to question their own narrow mindedness because they will not be able to ignore your kindness and generosity which is no doubt a part of their spiritual beliefs.

The fact that you are writing this is proof of your care for your in laws, possibly more than they would consider your feelings But how will you know this unless you put this to the test? It may be a much needed lesson in their personal journey.
If their reaction is bad, this is not your fault, it is theirs.

Spiritually it might be said that you should humble yourself to the in laws, don't upset them. But you haven't, all you have done is shown you have a belief that is as valid as theirs but is expressed in a completely, perhaps, different way.

Regarding whether you will influence your children
Its good that they consider all possibilities that exist, Im sure you will/are aiming for this already.

A good technique for a non believer to experience what the believer experiences is to ask simply to yourself to be given proof because it is the only way you will believe. It usually comes in some way, in time And the believer needs to understand the non believer is as right as they are,and may be actually practicing a greater level of rightness that they are -you will be providing this lesson.
Then everything becomes balanced.

Kindest Regards Kareng

[JeremiahShanti]

Originally Posted by zo_manik

But my parent-in-laws are sweet and kind and tender, how does one say no to them? It's once a year, I should just be polite and go, right? On the other hand, I abhor the church on whole, it's divisions, and denominations further splintering instead of trying to join together-so why go?


THE QUESTIONS:

How do I say no to the in-laws? Should I say no?
How do you all cope in situations like this?

If your in-laws love you, they should respect your autonomy. My whole family is Catholic, I'm the only one who doesn't go to church, eventually they respected my choice. They see spirituality in my actions so they figure I'm an ok guy: )

Exactly, why go? Do you honor your autonomy?

BTW: Religion is often abused and used to promote a collectivist agenda. Ideally religion should serve the individual and not the collectivist group. Racism, Authoritarianism, Socialism, Corporatism are all forms of collectivism. It's good you support gay rights- that shows you support an individual's rights. We don't have rights because we're heterosexual or homosexual, we have rights because we are individuals.

Buy anyways... Should you go to their church event? A true family should respect you for you, not because you're part of their religious "club". So ditch the church event: )

[kareng]

Technee...I like your last sentance in particular...very good point

[zo_manik]

Oh, how I wish you all lived in my town and I could invite you over for coffee and tea on this wet overcast day. It's a gorgeous day for this conversation to carry on. Thank you Mother Earth!

Justwannabe wrote: “Hey Zo,
I can appreciate where you are coming from, I see my past in your words. Now I attend a church, do I belive everything the preacher says? We dance and sing, how I look at it, they are honoring Creation, the Creator. So I go to see the beaty in it and the "ugliness" I leave it alone. If someone wants to force beliefs on me, ok, they can try, and they are dong what they feel is best.
“

But this is where I have problems with the church, people of the church, etc. Leaving that “ugliness” alone is picking and choosing, and religion/faith isn’t a vending machine. Just like yoga is not just the postures, religion is not just the pretty stuff we choose. If I go to a service that is rich with beautiful singing and celebration of love and faith, then the pastor eeks in a comment about homosexuality as a sin, how can I just sit there and ignore this “ugliness”. (Again, I don’t believe homosexuality is ugly, I believe abortion is a choice, and I don’t agree that Jesus died for my sins and is the ONLY path in the same way that Christians proclaim.) So if any of those topics come up, I get irritated and how can I ignore that? It’s not a public forum so I can’t just be like, “Excuse me, but I don’t agree”. And I hate having to swallow my opinion.

But the weird thing is, that I understand where Justwannabe is coming from. My mom is a Catholic, kind of. She has the saint, Caridad, beside and puts fresh flowers for her, sometimes a glass of water as well. But she doesn't go to mass, she doesn't tithe, she just exists as she is with her wonderful colorful language (she is no stranger to an F-bomb) and we all love her outgoing and fiery personality. Yet, I'm less forgiving to Christians who pick and choose. I was annoyed with Justwannabe's response, how can you ignore the ugliness? I still agree with this, but why do I get so worked up over a Christian's picking and choosing, and not my mom's? My acupuncturist who does NAET treatments tested me, and yes, I have allergies to Christians, specifically. It's incredibly unfair for them, it's almost a racism of sort--a religion-ism. THis is something I need to work on.

Then talking it over with my husband, I said, I would not mind going to a black gospel choir the next time we do Christmas at his parents' house, or even going somewhere where old hymns are sung. A Catholic or Eastern Orthodox church would even be of intrigue, there are beautiful traditions within those churches. And that's when I realized, yet again, I am a Christian bigot.

[InnerAthlete]

Hi Zo,

I've read your OP and I'm getting in a bit "after the fact".

One of the things I've received from my teacher (and thus from Yoga itself) is a method of thinking yoga. And so I'd like to reply from that perspective.

Each of the religions have a powerful quality which they display for us - dedication, commitment, kindness, compassion, understanding, devotion... however, none of them has yet been able to spiritualize mankind. There is then both a beauty and a lacking.

In terms of treatment of those ascribed to religion, a deep respect for their quality is appropriate without a sacrifice of your personal commitment to the 15 elements of yoga that build the foundation of its living; yama, niyama, and klesha.

Therefore it would be harmonious for you to communicate that you don't wish to go to the service and to do that communicating with reverence and compassion for the listener. There are some times where we are thrust into a situation not to our liking - a smoking environment, loud profanity, meat eaters, what-have-you, and in those situations, where we cannot change the circumstances, we effort to find as much joy as possible (so the principle is change it or enjoy it).

Of course you married into the family and so for whatever reason your soul has chosen this story to live out, presuming you've made a mindful choice to enter into the relationship. In that regard there are lessons to be garnered from the experience and interaction with these folks. And of course we are often receiving mirroring, being exposed to things we detest seemingly in others which is in reality our own stuff. So that is a point to be thankful for having that light shone upon your own darkness so that you may confront, address, and process it accordingly.

Honestly we don't always get a pristine environment for our practice. Our practice should serve us in the real world (as opposed to the ether), otherwise it's not much of a practice. So there's always the question of "is my yoga practice serving my life?" or "how is my yoga practice applicable here?".

I would not, however, judge a religion by the people who practice it.

[Hubert]

I found a new term yesterday (can't recall the author).
Churchianity !

The western cuture is fundamentally christian, and all westerners are greatly determined by this lineage. It does not matter if you are atheist, agnostic, materialist ... all these are reactions to churchianity.

What I talk about as being determined by, is what we today call humanity, without affiliation to any religion. I dare to say, that the conscience, and sense of humanity we have today, the ability to see us in others regardless of what religion/tradition we have been born to, is result of at least incarnation when we were christians. Two thousand years had to pass for this to happen, and it was necessary to be able to recieve the Second Coming, what has started, is happening, and people are awakening to it day by day.

The fertilizing presence of eastern wiasdom is there for this very reason.

[GreenLove]

zo_manik, I know I am a few weeks late with the answer, but it's not "the next christmas" yet, so I guess it's still ok. I gew up with an atheist father and a christian mother, so I learned that no philosophy, religion or set of ideas is wrong as long as you respect other's right of peaceful living. Because you mentioned LGBT, I will give you a related example: I am bisexual and supporting the lgbt rights at the gay prides that take place every year in my country. My ex boyfriend was a very traditional christian, that went to the anti-gay march that takes place every year before the gay one. Yes, I live in a country where being gay is still considered as being disgusting, perverted and where most people are still in the closet. The idea is that he went in the morning at the anti gay march, I went in the evening at the pro gay one and after that we used to meet and get a coffee. So, it's not about how good or real is the thing that you (or I) believe in, but the tolerance towards other people religion of belief. I am now with a man that is christian and sometimes goes to church, while I stay at home or do some shopping. He's going with his familly, who are, as well, christians. I respect his beliefs as he respects mine, which are, as I used to say to a friend asking me about my religion, a little bit of everything: I'm a little christian, a little buddhist, a little hinduist, a little gnostic, a little animist and so on. I am not a person that supports labeling and I really don't see any reason for what a person MUST have A religion or A belief and obbey it with no doubt. If I find 10 things that complete my life and have meaning for me and they are all in 10 different religions/beliefs, I will take them all, even I will have no label because of that. So, if I were you, I just wouldn't go to church, respecting the right of other familly members to go. It's that simple; life is so very short that it seems useless to waste it doing things that are not according to our state of spirit/mind. And about your step children education, I think that the same principle applies: give your step son the access to budhism informations, encourage your step daughter and give her time to shape her belief or disbelief. I know an anecdote about the diversity of opinions and the tolerance, but I guess I already wrote too much. Good luck!

[zo_manik]

Thank you Gordon, Hubert, and GreenLove--delayed responses or not, your posts are still insightful. This is a conversation that will continue to go on and on in my own mind as each encroaching situation will be different.

Gordon, writes "I would not, however, judge a religion by the people who practice it." This is an area of weakness for me, but the reciprocal of that is true as well; that I judge people by their religions. I am in a poetry class and as soon I saw a peer with a WWJD bracelet, I initially balked at the religious tone in his work (though I separated that from the critique work I did on his packet of poems).

As for my husband, he is a non-believer, but not an atheist. So, the Christmas church once ever 2-4 years is something he willingly acquiesces to as a means of honoring his parents. I have never known him to go, even before we were married, or courting.

Another thought comes to mind, that maybe my going last year was so reactive because I felt trapped--a new bride (2 months in) at her in-laws house for the first time; in-laws who were excited that their non-believing son married a student who attended a private Christian university. (I was a believer once.) Though I did let his mom know this last August that I am not a believer anymore--she asked and I had to share honestly.


Greenlove, that is much more tolerance on your behalf than I can currently muster. I've dated people who were opposed to my bisexuality and I did not carry the relationship further, because I could not be with someone who found that to be something ugly or wrong. It's not like self-centeredness or a foul mouth, that a person should adjust, bi/homosexuality is something different altogether, lovely even (or so I believe). To be honest, I do know whether to applaud your tolerance or grab you by the shoulders and ask if you are crazy!

[Xamilo]

Zo, I still think it ok to attend as a way to "support" your husband.
I know it is annoying to have people always try to convince you with their believes, but with the strong wonderful personality you have I'm sure that won' be a problem, you just need a little patience hehehehehe

It kind of reminds me of the Annual Navy Reunion which I have had to attend (my fiancee is a Lieutenant Commander) for the lat two years. You go and see a thousand people talking and bragging about things you either disagree on or couldn't care less about, but you do your catharsis while coping with them, and two hours afterward you're out of there with your loved one jut enjoying dinner alone in a nice place with no one else around

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by zo_manik

THE QUESTIONS:

How do I say no to the in-laws? Should I say no?
How do you all cope in situations like this?
And how do I continue to be true to me (which is laden with church cynicism) without influencing my step-kids? I want them to develop their own set of beliefs, but it's hard to not follow in the parent's footsteps.

I want to hear other people's thoughts and their anecdotes relating anything similar.

Hi. I believe there is no point in going to Church if you are forced. If your beliefs contradict with them, tell them honestly, I'm sure they'd understand. I think you have the right set of mind, your kids should decide for themselves what they should do and force feed them into something they or you will regret later in your life.

Sorry to say but it is in my opinion that you CANNOT not influence your step-kids. They see you everyday and they will look up to you one way or another. Maybe you can have a talk with them one of these days and tell them that they have the freedom to choose whatever they want to believe in.